From the Top, With Feeling
by InvalidAttempt
Summary: Rachel never meant for people to start burning up. It was a terrible side effect of a spell gone wrong. AU, Xover with BtVS. Crack!fic


Title: From the Top, With Feeling

Author: Invalidattempt

Rating: PG?

Warnings: A couple of charred corpses, a little swearing.

Words: around 5,500

Disclaimer: I own nothing used in here except the story idea. Seriously.

AN: This is seriously AU (ie Quinn was never pregnant, for example). It is also a crossover, with Buffy the Vampire Slayer (which I also don't own.) Specifically, it is a crossover with the episode 'Once More With Feeling'.

Summary: Rachel never meant for people to start burning up. It was a terrible side affect of a spell gone wrong.

_Get sterilized._

_Move to Israel._

_Please, God, somebody shoot me!_

_That's three minutes of my life I'll never get back._

With a frustrated growl, Rachel slammed her laptop shut. The reception her weekly videos were getting was appalling, as the students from McKinley High showed a startling lack of taste (and originality, considering their insults). She was receiving absolutely zero appreciation for her talent. _Something_ had to be done.

Frowning pensively, Rachel stretched her sore muscles, arching her back and raising her arms above her head. Her dance classes were becoming more and more demanding, leaving her tired and achy. If only she could just- just wish away her pains. But she'd checked her books before, she couldn't find a single healing spell. There was just a bunch of flakey excuses about how pains that were non-mystical in origin were natural, and therefore shouldn't be changed to avoid destroying the balance. While Rachel was generally very much in favour of following the rules, if she could do anything to ease the tightness in her muscles, she would.

She froze mid-stretch. Perhaps a spell couldn't fix her pain, but she was fairly certain she had one that could solve her other problem. Not a spell, per se, but...

Decision made, she jumped up, putting aside her laptop for the moment. Moving hurriedly to her bookshelf, she sought and found five large white candles, a stick of chalk, and an old necklace she had bought at her local magick shop, having recognized it from one of her books. At the time she'd thought it was a simple knock-off, but she'd forgone her accept-no-substitutes philosophy just that once because, even if it was a replica, it was a very neat item. She realized that there was only a slight possibility the necklace was legitimate, and that the call would not work if it was phoney, but she was willing to try nonetheless. There was a reason one of her favourite songs was "Taking Chances", as performed by Celine Dion.

She drew a hasty pentagram in the middle of her room with the chalk, and set the candles up at the points. Moving in a clockwise circle, she lit each of the candles, before clasping the necklace around her neck. Centering herself, she began the incantation.

"Winds of the East, flames of the South, waves of the West, and soil of the North, I summon thee..."

~X~X~X~

Will fidgeted with his tie as he waited for Principal Figgins to call him in. He was brimming with inspiration and eager, nervous energy. Sandy Ryerson's dismissal, however unfounded the accusations may have been, had presented him with an opportunity. He would be a fool not to seize it.

An exasperated football player exited Figgins' office, and Figgins invited Will in. Will took the seat opposite the principal, and dove right in.

"I want to take over Glee Club."

Fifteen minutes later, he departed with a joyful grin just as the bell rang signalling the end of the school day. He had been forced to compromise, but Figgins had granted him his wish! Will was absolutely confident in his ability to build a strong Glee Club. Whistling a jaunty tune, he headed out into a sunny day.

Will was so overcome with his plans for the return of the glory days that he didn't notice Suzy Pepper, who stood in the shadows next to the dumpster. Suzy watched her teacher with a manic intensity as he revved the engine of his terribly trashed car and steered out of the parking lot. Tears ran down Suzy's cheeks from behind her oversized glasses as she contemplated her doomed love for an older man. Sweet strains of music met her ears and a stray breeze waved the edge of her pepper-patterned dress, and she opened her mouth to sing.

_Guess mine is not the first_

_Heart broken,_

_My eyes are not the first_

_To cry,_

_I'm not the first to know_

_There's just no getting over you,_

_I'm hopelessly devoted to you..._

Suzy's tears came harder and harder as the breeze picked up and the chords that she sang to began to crescendo. With a heart-wrenching sob, she hit the key change, but as she reached the verse that spoke of Will's rejection, she lost control of the melody. Her eyes twitched back and forth frantically as she tried to pick up the song again, but she was off-tempo, and her arms were waving wildly, and her face was heating up with embarrassment, with the pain of unrequited love, with flames!

Spinning madly, Suzy Pepper tried to put out the fire that engulfed her. With an anguished scream, she collapsed, nothing more than a charred and lonely corpse.

The last thing she saw was the flash of blue silk and a deep voice chuckling as it exclaimed, "Now _that's_ entertainment."

~X~X~X~

The half-hearted cheers of the crowd assaulted the ears of the nervous McKinley football players. There was little time left on the clock, and they were losing. Every play their quarterback had called so far had resulted in massive pummellings. There was only one thing left to do.

"All right guys, put a ring on it. Okay? Yeah, yeah, put a ring on it."

Finn was terrified. His entire future rested on the success of this play; if he failed he would be mocked forever, and forced to commit hara-kiwi or whatever to regain his honour. His history teacher said that worked for the Japanese, and it sounded kinda like his favourite fruit (excepting pineapple) so it couldn't be _too_ bad.

On the field, insults were thrown briefly, and then the reluctant players lined up.

To the shock of the crowd and the bewilderment of the opposing team, the McKinley High football players broke out into a spontaneous and complexly choreographed representation of Beyonce's Single Ladies. Moving perfectly in time, both with each other and the music, the team flowed as a unit through the moves with the skill and grace of a swan without a mate who desperately wanted a ring. Their quarterback was the ugly duckling of the analogy, as he desperately tried to mimic the moves of the other players, lumbering along, albeit miraculously on tempo.

The crowd got sucked into the moment. On their feet, the spectators cheered and danced as well. The cheering increased tenfold when Noah Puckerman broke out of the song, and sprinted off towards the other team's end zone as Finn lobbed the ball at him. Their opponents were still caught in a daze following the performance and were seemingly frozen to the spot, only reacting to Puck's advance when it was far too late. The McKinley fans were overjoyed, as it seemed that their home team might finally have a chance at winning a game.

Kicker and Secret Weapon Kurt Hummel was utterly bemused, however. What had happened to the bumbling band of baboons he had struggled endlessly to teach?

"It's odd," he thought, "But I don't remember them being _that_ good at the dance."

His thought process was interrupted by the arrival of his coach. His scepticism was forgotten as he realised the game rested now on his heavily padded shoulders.

As he jogged out to take the kick, one Sue Sylvester watched with a pensive frown.

~X~X~X~

It had been three days since the surprising success of Operation Ring-On-It (as Puck had taken to calling it in an attempt to make it sound all James-Bond-y and badass), and there was still confetti littering the floors of the high school. Artie Abrams wished desperately people would find a way to celebrate that wouldn't end in colourful bits of paper stuck in his spokes, but since Tina was with him it didn't seem that bad. She made everything better.

"Th-th-thanks for waiting for me, A-Artie. My t-t-tutor says all this extra work is really p-paying off."

Artie grinned up at her. "It's all cool. I had Jazz band anyway, so I didn't have to wait for long. And Tina, if all this overtime isn't paying off, you had better find a new tutor. You guys have been meeting, like, everyday now."

She slipped ahead of him to open the doors, explaining as she did so, "Well, my m-m-marks have been slipping, and I think my d-dad is a little disappointed in me."

Artie began to reply, but paused as he glanced up at the darkening sky. He sighed sulkily. "I love my fellow hep cats, but I wish practice didn't always go so late. The sun's already gone down- I feel like the day is wasted."

Tina smiled. "W-w-we were at school all day, of course it was wasted."

"Touché," Artie said. "Your place or mine?"

"Mine. It's c-closer. We can walk."

They were heading out of the parking lot on foot when they overheard lowered voices from the football field. Artie and Tina's eyes met as they came briefly to a silent agreement, their curiosities' piqued, then they stealthily approached the field until they were just within earshot, hidden by the bleachers. Artie smirked as he realised the bucket of oil the jocks had dumped on him earlier that week had actually greased his wheels, silencing the usual squeaks, enabling his silent advance towards the speaksers.

Tina directed his attention with a silent gesture towards two people who stood in the middle of the field; both were dressed in glaring red- McKinley's colors. Words drifted slowly over to the eavesdroppers.

"That's all I know, ma'am," the speaker in a short red skirt said.

The other person (who seemed to be wearing a tracksuit) seemed disgruntled with this answer. She addressed the first speaker with a warning edge in her voice, "Q, what have I told you about-"

There was only one person known as 'Q' in all of McKinley's students. It was both a nickname and a title. The person _had_ to be Quinn Fabray, head cheerleader and recent addition to Glee Club.

Quinn dipped her head submissively in the face of Tracksuit's wrath. "What I meant to say was, 'Ms. Sylvester.'"

"Good. You're dismissed, get out of my sight. But, Q ... keep your eyes peeled – and keep your eyebrows trimmed. You look like a blonde Frieda Kahlo, without the tropical setting or the artistic talent, and I find it disgusting."

As Quinn left the field, Artie and Tina beat a hasty (and squeak-less) retreat. Only once they were several blocks away did Artie speak out.

He exclaimed, "Quinn is spying on Glee Club!"

When he glanced over at Tina to see if she shared his righteous outrage, she didn't respond, but she was frowning. She looked worried.

Meanwhile, in Sandy Ryerson's lonely house, the man himself was dusting his gigantic, framed photo tribute to Audrey Hepburn. He aspired to be in all ways like his idol: classy, beautiful, and dignified, while still maintaining a spark of imminent fun in his gleaming eyes. However, as he looked around himself and saw the nauseating pink tea set, the gleaming white furniture, and the porcelain dolls, he realised that he was a failure. Sandy and Audrey would never be synonymous. He was doomed to live out his days in a home with a decor that matched Rachel Berry's personal fashion, unemployed and unwanted. His world was shifting constantly around him and he never felt like he was standing on firm ground now.

Sandy had been in charge of Glee Club for long enough to know what to do when his life went all to hell in an ugly fuchsia hand-basket. He opened his mouth and let his pain pour out through song, just like he had taught his Titanic Two.

_Will I lose my dignity?_

_Will someone care?_

_Will I wake tomorrow from_

_This nightmare?_

As he sang, his body came alight with golden flames that created a beautiful tonal blend with the pinks and purples of his home. His last thought as his song wound down and the flames consumed him was that it created a nice aesthetic effect. Perhaps it was time for some redecorating!

~X~X~X~

"Oh, you have _no_ idea!"

With an arrogant flick of her head and a graceful twirl, Quinn Fabray (alias 'Q') left her nemesis speechless as she descended the crowded stairwell. The students parted before her, fear and worship evident in their faces, as she swept past, when suddenly she was seized by a strange feeling. She was just so angry, and so harried, and so _stressed_, that she didn't even realise something weird was going on until the moment she started singing. She had completely overlooked the warning tingle that had trickled along her spine and the odd tension in the air. In short, she had screwed up. She had forgotten all of Coach Sylvester's sermons on CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

The result of her momentary incompetence was that she found herself strutting down the halls of her high school belting out her _feelings_. Oddly enough, however, what should have been complete social suicide wasn't garnering any attention whatsoever from her peers and peons.

Quinn herself, however, was utterly dumbfounded. Her bewilderment grew when she suddenly found herself surrounded by Cheerios in full costume – and she had somehow procured props for her spontaneous musical breakdown.

She tried desperately to stop singing, to stop dancing, to _stop_, but her iron self-control was suddenly M.I.A. She was supposed to be in Physics, dammit! Ms. Sylvester would have her guts for garters if her grades dropped.

When the number was finally over, Quinn felt herself snapping out of her daze. Once she was fully in control of herself, she took stock of the situation.

Where was she? The football field.

What was she doing? She had just finished practicing the routine Coach Sylvester was choreographing for the upcoming cheerleading competition.

Did anyone notice her temporary insanity? Well, the juniors seemed to be oblivious, but she caught some of the senior (and thus more experienced) Cheerios giving her strange looks. That wouldn't do at all.

"All right, everyone, take five. Santana! Brittany! Get your asses over here, I need you."

Something seriously messed up was going on, but that was okay. After all, Quinn Fabray is the best there is at what she does. Unfortunately for everyone else, what she does isn't always very nice.

~X~X~X~

The choir room was absolutely silent except for the quiet tinkling of Sondheim's "_Not While I'm Around_" which came from the piano. Rachel Berry was the source of this music, sitting straight and tall on the bench, fully concentrated on the sheet music in front of her. She had just discovered that Kurt Hummel had attempted to seduce the object of her affections, Finn Hudson, by accompanying him in a rendition of "_I'll Stand by You_". It was clear to her that the only way to undo the damage caused to her plans by his actions was to help Finn perform a song that was even more heartfelt and protective.

Nothing was going as she had intended. Now that everyone was singing, all the time, no matter how untalented they were, she was supposed to be noticed. People were supposed to understand that she was _special_, that a voice like hers was a gift that was meant to be admired and praised. Instead, she was stuck with in a group with twelve other singers constantly vying for her position as lead female. Glee Club needed her. Why couldn't her choir-mates see that? And since Quinnhad joined Glee, Finn was once again enthralled. He hadn't kissed her even once since that time in the auditorium.

"_Does Finn even notice?_

_Does Finn even care?"_

Rachel was interrupted suddenly by a flash of smoke heralding the arrival of a man clad in a silken blue suit. However, Rachel knew perfectly well that this was no man. When she had seen his skin-less face for the first time in her bedroom, she had known immediately that what she had done was no spell- it was a summoning, and this demon was answering her call. Her heart racing with fear, she had banished him from her room with a quick spell. He had vanished, and she had thought he was gone forever.

But here he was, in the middle of her choir room, and he was singing to her.

"_Why'd you run away?  
Don't you like my style?  
Why don't you come and play?  
I guarantee you a great big smile!_

_I come from the imagination,  
And I'm here strictly by your invocation!  
So what do you say?  
Why don't we dance awhile?"_

Rachel shook her head anxiously, stuttering out a refusal. Frowning, the demon reached for her. With a squeak of fright, Rachel stumbled back, until the piano was between her and the demon. She hadn't brought any supplies with her today so her banishing spell was of no use! All she could do was watch as the demon danced around the choir room. His form was fantastic. Rachel briefly entertained the thought of using this choreography for a Glee song- maybe with Brittany and- and- what was his name again? 'M-' something. The jock.

Rachel herself would cover the vocals, obviously.

"_I'm the hottest fiend  
I'm the twist and shout.  
When you gotta sing,  
When you gotta let it out:  
You call me and I come a-running,  
I turn the music on; I bring the fun in!  
Now, we're partying,  
That's what it's all about."_

When would the rest of her club get here? Rachel cursed her habit of arriving early to practice, but punctuality is important! She couldn't help herself! But Mr. Schue would help her, he'd stop the demon. That's what adults do, right? They help you fix things when you screw up. And if he wouldn't help, well, maybe her Glee Club would. Strength in numbers, and all that.

Why wouldn't this demon just shut up? Perfect pitch or no, the song was dragging on and on!

"_'Cuz I know, what you feel, girl!  
I know just what you feel, girl!"_

Stall him! Stall him! Just talk until the club arrives. This is what you're good at, Berry! Start monologuing, improvise a soliloquy, just do something!

Rachel interrupted his song, saying, "Oh, so you're like a good demon? Bringing the fun in?"

She immediately chastised herself, because that was not her strongest effort ever. Any experienced judge would give that a six out of ten, max. She would never win her well-deserved Tony with a performance like that! Rachel berated herself as the demon continued to sing. Why was she capable of talking a-mile-a-minute about oppression in a _choir competition_, but when her very life (and therefore, also her destined career) is at stake all she can do is babble insipid questions?

Her serenader laughed wildly, replying; "Now that is an interesting question. I guess it's fun for a while, but sooner or later…

_All these melodies, they go on too long.  
Then that energy starts to come on way too strong!  
All those hearts wide open; that must sting.  
Plus, some customer just died combusting.  
That's the penalty when life is but a song!"_

Just then, Mr. Schuester burst in, followed by the other eleven members of New Directions. All bore matching expressions of horror as they watched the demon stalk Rachel, but none seemed to know how to stop him.

"_You brought me down and doomed this town,  
So, when we blow this scene,  
Back we will go to my kingdom below and you will be my queen!  
'Cuz I know what you feel, girl!"_

Rachel finally protested angrily. "I'm sorry to say this, but there is absolutely no way I can be your queen. First of all, that could be considered statutory rape. Secondly," and here she reached out, beckoning him a little ways away from her friends, "I don't think you understand just how important I am to these people. I am the female lead of this choir! If I go, they all fail. That would be terribly cruel to them. Don't you see? They need me!"

The demon chuckled. "Sorry, lamb chops, but a deal is a deal." He raised his voice so that all in the room could hear. "Rachel Berry has two options: she can come to hell with me, and be my queen," he snapped his fingers and a frilly blue ball gown appeared, draping elegantly around Rachel. Kurt mumbled something about her being an 'autumn' and therefore looking awful. "She can be my queen, or she can sing her deepest emotions."

Turning to her, he said, "I want to see you _burn_."

Rachel was absolutely torn in two. She hadn't felt this divided since she had been asked to choose one (and only one!) Celine Dion song for her Cabaret audition. There was no way she wanted to go to hell, but sing, and risk catching fire? Smoke inhalation seriously damages the vocal chords! Which was the lesser of two evils?

"I'll – I'll sing."

At least this way, there was a chance she would survive, right? Only the truly emotionally conflicted burn, that's what his song said. And she does believe in 'Taking Chances'…

"_Now I've got a confession:  
When I was young I wanted attention,  
And I promised myself that I'd do anything  
Anything at all for them to notice me._

_But I ain't complaining,  
We all wanna be famous."_

She could see the incredulous glances of the other singers as she sang her truest feelings. Their scorn burned her, until her skin itself began to tingle and warm up. If only she could stop singing, but she was stuck in the moment! She was losing control! Smoke began to coil around her body. Rachel Berry kept singing.

_"So go ahead and say what you wanna say  
You don't know what its like to be nameless  
Want them to know what your name is  
'Cuz see when I was younger I would say…"_

As she hit the chorus, she began to spin, pirouette after pirouette executed perfectly, and the smoke started to come off her body faster and faster. She could feel the heat overwhelming her! She was burning-

And then a pair of hands were grabbing her roughly, steadying her. She was no longer spinning, she was no longer singing, she was safe! Rachel looked up gratefully at her rescuer. Who was it? Finn? Noah? The smoke was blocking her vision. And then she heard…

"Chill the fuck out, Treasure Trail."

And then the hands supporting her were thrusting her aside as Quinn Fabray, Head Cheerio, alias 'Q', moved past her to confront the demon, flanked on either side by Santana and Brittany.

"I knew it," Quinn said. "I _knew_ something was up."

Finn tried desperately to move forward, to stop his girlfriend from approaching the scary demon-man. He was suddenly restrained by the adamantium grip of one tracksuit-clad Sue Sylvester, who warned him, "Back off, carrion," and Brittany whispered to Santana that Finn was too big to be a suitcase.

"Good instincts, Q." Sue moved past the stunned students and the confused Spanish Teacher and stood by her Cheerios. "Hiya, Sweet. Remember me?"

"Sue?" Will asked, still confused.

"Slayer?" Sweet guessed, eyes widening slightly in concern.

Sue smirked. "One of many now, Sweet. Hadn't you heard? Big thing up in Sunnydale. Now there are more than two thousand of us in the world."

Will interrupted the reunion, still confused. "Wait, Sue, what do you know about this?"

Sue addressed him without turning, refusing to give her enemy – Sweet – the chance to surprise her while her back faced him. "William, the questions you should be asking yourself are A) what does my wildly acclaimed, suddenly musical head cheerleader know about this? And B) What exactly does my hairdresser use on my scalp, because from here, Will, I can smell eggplant, brown sauce, and the tears of millions of under paid workers from South America, who are weeping because the product of their hard labour is being used in such liberal amounts, and to such painful effect. Given my enhanced Slayer senses, that estimate is probably 100% accurate."

As Will tried to figure out what question he was meant to be asking given the confusion of that extremely convoluted response, Quinn answered.

"Ms. Sylvester, people were singing in the hallways. _I _was singing in the hallways, and no one was noticing. I knew something hellmouth-y was going on. I figured that if people were being forced to sing against their will, the people who actually liked singing were probably to blame. So I had my top two fighters infiltrate Glee Club with me.

At first, I was too blinded by Berry's terrible clothing and abrasive personality to notice her necklace, but Santana recognized it from the Watcher's diaries. Seems Manhands took a hands-on approach to her problems. She decided to summon a demon."

Here, Puck interrupted. "Hold on. Quinn, Rachel's a Jew. No way is she doing any magic bullshit."

"Noah, I'm a Wiccan Jewess. And I'll have you know I'm very sensitive to profiling. I have two gay dads."

Sue nodded, as if she knew it all along. After all, one of her friends had set a precedent against such stereotyping once. _Willow_…

However, it seemed Will had finally organized his thoughts enough to bluster, "Demons? Summoning? Slayer? Sue, what the hell is going on here?"

"Hell is going on here, Schuester. Following the destruction of my home town by the incineration of my vampire lover after seven wildly successful years destroying evil, I took my elite squad of Slayers to this crap town and turned them into an elite squad of cheerleaders. And you know why? Because we are standing on the _Boca Del Infierno_."

"Huh?"

"Honestly, William, how you ever became a teacher is beyond me. Don't you teach Spanish? It means the Hellmouth."

"Listen, I realize you two have some issues you need to work out, " Sweet drawled, "But could we get back to my impending nuptials?"

Sue sighed. "You always have to be the center of attention, don't you, Sweet. Flashy outfits, big numbers, you're like Glee Club on drugs. But let me let you in on a little secret: You bore me. The Hellmouth, William, is the focal point of mystical activity. It's the cause of the mysterious deaths, the demonic presence I sense emanating from your hairstyle, and Miss Cohen-Chang's presence at my school."

"Wait, w-w-what?"

Quinn smiled. She resembled an orca as it preyed upon a seal pup, all big grin and malicious intent. She said, "Yeah, we know all about you and your 'dad', the King of the Vampires. Abrams, did you never wonder why you follow her around like a lost child, doing whatever she says? Did you never wonder why she always leaves school so late, once it's dark? You're totally her thrall. Tina, honey, why do you think I never said two words to you that weren't 'You' and 'Suck'?"

Sue approved. "Outstanding."

Rachel had lurked in the background of the conversation long enough. She had to interrupt!

"Could we take some time and deal with my problem, please? Namely, that this demon wants me to be his queen? Because while I've always secretly suspected I am related to royalty, the position of monarch in a hell dimension is undoubtedly unpleasant."

"_Please_, Rachel. I would be far better suited to the role of queen than you are, given my natural dignity and divine fashion sense." Surprised, the group turned to see Kurt, who had not been heard from throughout the debacle, inspecting his nails thoughtfully. Coming to a decision, he offered, "Take me instead."

Silence fell around the room. It was ended finally by Sue Sylvester, who raised her eyebrows inquisitively, asking, "You sure about this, Lady Face? These underworld marriage deals never end well."

Brittany nodded enthusiastically, adding, "Totally."

She paused, considering, then turned to Santana, a slight question in her voice, looking for confirmation as she said, "Well… Maybe once?"

With an airy laugh, Kurt gestured at the demon. "Am I sure? This man- demon- thing- can sing better than Finn, dance better than Puck, and dresses better than all of you together! And, he can _make clothes appear out of thin air!_ I think I'm in love. Fashion-lust, at least."

Sweet scratched his elongated chin pensively. He eyed Kurt, considering his suggestion, and then replied.

"It's tempting, definitely tempting… You know, I turned down the last offer I received, and I've regretted it ever since. The boy had bad fashion sense, but I found his large ears rather attractive. All right, kid, I accept. Are you ready for an eternity in hell?"

"A hell full of singing and flamboyantly cut periwinkle suits? Hell yes!"

Kurt's exuberant reply was cut off by a quiet protestation from the back of the room. Matt and Mike stepped forward, matching looks of heartbreak clear on their faces. Kurt's large smile fell slightly as he gazed at them, and he stepped forward slightly towards them, arms stretching out as though to grab them. However, he quickly remembered the decision he had made, and moved back to Sweet's side.

"I'm sorry, boys," Kurt said to them, "But can't you understand that this is what's best for me? Let's face it, I'm never going to get a solo here. It'll be easy to replace me. But Sweet's hell… it sounds like heaven to me. Singing, dancing, and beautiful clothes. I'm so sorry, Matt, Mike, I really will miss you."

Mike stepped forward then, exclaiming, "Then take us with you! There's nothing for us here, really, either. There's just a crappy football team, boring teachers, and no pop-and-lock. We could come with you!"

Nodding his agreement, Matt spoke an entire sentence, shocking the entire room (because they all thought he was mute): "Don't leave us behind, Kurt."

All three boys turned pleadingly to Sweet.

Sweet sighed. Even a simple hiss of breath sounded melodious when it came from him.

Sue leaned towards him. "Cut the crap, Sweet. After your first visit, I did a little research. You're not looking for love- which I whole heartedly support; love has no place in a marriage. You just want to get hitched because the laws of your dimension say you have to be in order to rule. So here's how this is going to work. You're going to marry the Gay Kid, and let him rule at your side. Meanwhile, you can get back to your torturing, and he can get his chuckles with his two kissing turtledoves. How's that sound?"

A satisfied look came over Sweet's demonic face, and finally he nodded his assent. The three boys were dancing happily at his side, ecstatic that they could finally be together, openly and honestly. Puck looked on jealously, cursing Matt and Mike; they knew that 'threesome' was _his_ dream, damnit!

Sweet snapped his fingers a final time, and a portal opened in front of Mr. Schue's whiteboard. From his position, currently sandwiched in a Matt/Mike love cuddle, Kurt could see a kick-line of demons outfitted in sparkling tuxedoes absolutely covered with sequins and feathers, performing a rousing rendition of 'I Want To Be A Producer' in five-part harmony. He shrieked with joy, nailing a high C. Rachel turned purple with envy (although she was glad she wasn't going to hell- she wouldn't be able to compete then!)

Arm in arm, Matt, Mike, and Kurt followed Sweet off through the portal. As the door into hell began to fade, Kurt was heard shouting back at the Glee Club, "Tell the football team I'll see them all in Hell!"

Then the portal faded completely, leaving behind only a few burn marks on the floor and some ash on the whiteboard.

Mr. Schue collapsed onto the piano bench, his head in his hands. Around him, his students came out of their stupor. When he finally looked up again, Will saw the Cheerios and his Glee Club mingling. Brittany had Tina pinned to the wall with a stake held over her heart, ignoring Artie as he protested vehemently, and giggling as Santana kissed her neck. Finn Hudson had his hand up Quinn Fabray's shirt, as she whispered insistently to him, "Think of the mailman, Finn!"

Rachel Berry, however, stood frozen, staring at the spot where the four had vanished. One hand was held over her heart, in true melodramatic fashion, and the other was holding her neck, searching vainly for the necklace that normally hung there, but seemed to have disappeared when the portal did.

Mr. Schue bemoaned his fate. "This is just great. How am I supposed to tell Figgins that three of his students just decided that Hell is better than Lima?"

Then, another thought struck him, and he gasped in horror. He counted the students remaining desperately, but he could only reach one conclusion. This was definitely a major problem! "With only nine students, how are we going to qualify for Sectionals?"

One Sue Sylvester smirked as she sat down next to him.

"You think this is hard? Try being the Chosen One, _that's _hard!"

FIN

AN: Yeah… okay, that was weird. This has been my brain child for the past three weeks as I hashed it out. I don't think I've ever put so much work into _anything_, so I hope you enjoy it.

The songs used were:

Hopelessly Devoted to You, from _Grease_ : .com/watch?v=kbe1m30RS8c (This is the Kristin Chenoweth version, because I absolutely adore her.)

Singles Ladies, by Beyoncé (implied, really): .com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY

Will I? , from _Rent_: .com/watch?v=wgQq8TTty9A

You Keep Me Hanging On, the Glee version: .com/watch?v=PkHdit0-Zwo

Nothing's Going to Harm You, from _Sweeney Todd_ (mention only)

Rachel's Lament is based off of 'Dawn's Lament', from the BtVS episode "Once More With Feeling": .com/watch?v=sDtSDi5yVSU (It's very short because she gets kidnapped, as usual.)

What You Feel, also from "Once More With Feeling": .com/watch?v=lizBDiYe6bA&feature=related

When I Grow Up, from The Pussy Cat Dolls: .com/watch?v=K0K46C82v9o

_PS Quinn wears that cross all the time cuz it repels vamps. Yeah. Buffy!Sue told her to._


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